We Were Naive...But Only Once

I know I mentioned in one of my previous posts that Supa and I got involved with a churchy cult once and since I'm sitting here at work relaxing in my chair, I have time to explain. 


Trust me, it sure as hell looked normal on the outside but it was a hella mess on the inside!

 Let's rewind back to around...2003.  We were very young except for Supa, he's such an old fart and the kids were really little.  Dazzle was 3 and Neon was just around 6 months old.  We had been hanging out with one of my best friends from high school and her husband for quite awhile.  We loved being with them!  They had a son around Dazzle's age and we were just together all the time.  We'll call them Mr. and Mrs. X.  We had some of the best times!! 
I'm very sad to say that the more we hung out with this super couple, the less I hung out with Jade.  Let's just say that wasn't one of my greatest achievements.

In the mean time let me tell you a little back story....Supa and I never really grew up in church.  I mean, we both went to church sometimes with whoever but not a really structured upbringing in one particular church.  SO, being the young cute little family that we were, we decided that the right thing to do would be to find a wonderful church to go to.  Great idea right?  Sounds reasonable even.  Oh hell.  The best sounding shit always turns out terrible.  We started visiting churches all around us.  We drove to a different town every Sunday, asked all our friends to take us to church with them and met all sorts of people.  Unfortunately, not to talk shit about most Southern Baptist churches but yeah I'm talking all kinds of shit we found judgement, criticism and political bullshit.  Not my cup of tea. 


I heard comments like "Did you know you're going to hell because you're wearing pants?!"  I like my reply "You're going to hell because you're a judgmental dumbass!"  Yep, they hated us everywhere we went! 
We got quite a few ugly stares.

 After a good effort on our part we just gave up.  Mr. and Mrs. X invited us to visit their church.  Harmless right?  Hardly!  We went to their church and it looked totally normal.  The people looked normal too and it seemed like a pretty nice place.  That is, until the service began.  Oh fuck me!  They were yelling.  They were screaming.  They were even falling on the floor!  At first, I just thought it was fake (and maybe it totally was) and that this must just be a one time incident.  It was like a really good freak show inside a church.  So we stayed through the whole service trust, we are not too good to get up in front of your ass and walk out in the middle of what the hell ever is going down and we stayed and talked to the people afterwards (who after the falling down and screaming part, seemed completely normal once again!)  It was so weird! 


They didn't just want $1.00 I promise you that!

We told Mr. and Mrs. X that we were really creeped out by the fact that everyone was throwing themselves on the floor and screaming and crying but they assured us that they were just "feeling the spirit".  This type of behavior was completely normal and we should just do what we feel.  (Did they mean like running in the other direction or sleeping in on Sunday mornings from now on?)   So, we went again.

This might as well been us on the way to church.

We ended up going to church there for months.  We would go to church, go out to lunch with Mr. and Mrs. X and then go back to their house (very close to the church) and hang out for awhile and then head back home.  (30 mins away mind you)  I got to the point where I just wanted to "go to church" so I could hang out with Mrs. X and eat afterwards!  I wasn't interested in what the pastor was saying in the least bit.  They had us though....yes they sure did.  They had us believing that you had to give 10% of your damn income to the church, who the fuck came up with that rule? that you had to volunteer in the church nursery, and all kinds of other crazy stuff.  They actually had me so convinced at one point that I threw away ALL my cd's because they were considered "secular" music.  OMFG!!  What the hell was wrong with me?!  Anyone that knows me, know that I LIVE for music!!  I wish to God that someone had slapped the shit out of me right then and there and said "Excuse me but what the fuck are you doing?!"  I thought all that was supposed to be a choice...not a requirement.  The pastor was speaking in tongues (which I don't even know Spanish, how the hell was I supposed to understand the sermon if he was speaking in a language I'm not fluent in?!)  It just got to be too much. 

There was absolutely no fucking way I was going to dress like this!

During this time of total brainwashedness, (Ha, look at me Ma, I made up a word!) I pretty much completely stopped talking to Jade.  I mean, she wasn't in the cult so that meant she was going to hell.  (Hence the brainwashing)  Which was totally fine with me because I had Mrs. X...all high and mighty and falling out on the fucking floor!  I feel so bad now for shutting out Jade but Jesus, what is a girl supposed to do?  I didn't exactly have my cult repellant on at that time.

Long, long, long story later, we stopped going to church there.  Something caused us to snap the fuck out of it and get the hell out of there and never return.  Thank god!  It was a close call but we survived and now we know that we don't need to go to some freak circus to get into the pearly gates of heaven.  We're older, wiser (and I'm much more practiced at being a complete smartass and much quicker to tell someone they are full of shit and fuck off) and less easy to manipulate.  If anyone reading this blog goes to a church like this one, STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME, you're insane!  Sorry!  God told me that it's OK to have an opinion!  :)  Have a nice day!



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