Systems Are Down! Time To Blog!

Well, lucky me!  The computer program that we use to help all of our members is DOWN this morning.  WOOT!  That means every time the phone rings all I can tell people is that we can't help them at this time because our system is down and please call back later.  LOL!!  Happy mother fucking Thursday morning!!

Anyhow, I'll just sit over here and make the most of my time getting my bloggy stuff done.  (I mean, what else is there to do?)  If they don't hurry up and fix it, I'm going to start watching The Bachelorette over here!  I would have done that this afternoon anyhow!

Red Lady followed me home from work yesterday.  She had dinner with the kids and I (Supa was at work of course) and we ran to Bilo together to get my coupon stuff. Jade came over and got on the treadmill while she waited for us to get back.   Red decided to join us on our daily walk so when we returned to the house we changed our clothes and went out for some exercise. 

We had a ball just walking and talking.  I'm so thankful for my awesome friends!!!   I hope that Red comes over more often and we can hang out again soon.  She brought her carpet cleaner over for us to use so I'm already planning on holding it hostage so she'll have an excuse to come back over again.  :)  Red, MWAH!  Here's to become more than my work friend!  <cheers!  or high five!>

Guess what's in here:

For the life of me, I couldn't figure out what "SASE" was.  Finally it dawned on me!  "Self Addressed Stamped Envelope"




WOOOOOO!!!  Uncle Darling, you are awesome!!

Thank you so much, Uncle Darling!!  There were some really good ones in there!!  I appreciate it so much!!  Hells, yeah!!  XXOO!!


Uncle Darling decided I needed these nails and I think so too!  SOOO COOL!

I find the funniest shit on Pinterest!!  LMAO!


Love me some Futurama!!

 

Oh, how I wish!!!  If I thought this would really work, I would be running into walls everywhere!!!



 I am so using this on Neon when the time comes!  True, true, true!!!



I go through this everyday at work.  The stupid questions never end.



Please, let's all have a moment of silence!  (And I'll throw an extra amen in there!)



I hear that the zombie apocalypse may be starting in Florida.  Here is my first item of proof.  :)



LOLOL!!!  Almost every single time I cook!  :) 



Haha!  Probably more like MANY TIMES before!



Damn right!  Every single night at our house!  If you don't like it, you know where the fucking PB&J is!!



People are so fucking nasty!

Lolly and I just got back from having lunch with Supa.  It's so nice to be picked up and taken to lunch by my husband with my best friend!  We had a blast as usual, got our tummies all full and now I don't want to do anything!!!

I think I'll sit at my desk and finish watching The Bachelorette in between calls....

Apple


Carolina Cookers & Other Weekend Adventures

I would have to say that is weekend was just lovely.  We had a blast as usual and it went by WAY too fast! 

Friday night I did absolutely nothing!  I was tired as hell and enjoyed just laying on the couch lazy style!

I was up at 6:00 AM on Saturday morning outside cutting our grass.  Jade had mentioned that my neighbors were going to hate me for making that much noise on a Saturday morning so early.  LOL, like I care.  The only time I even remotely thought about the neighbors is at about 6:35AM when I wondered what they thought about my singing.  I'm sure the fact that I was singing Madonna's "Like A Virgin" at the top of my lungs (and many other 80's hits mind you) was way more bothersome than hearing the mower.  Did I mention that I cannot sing worth a shit??

No one can make me stop once I've reached "level Madonna".  :)

I let Supa and the kids sleep in while I wailed away (no pun intended, LOL) on the grass.  Supa was very tired from working long hours and I knew he needed it.  After I finally finished the grass (took me about 3 hours) I was ready to go back to bed.  LMAO!  Yeah, right!

It was time to eat breakfast, wash the stink off of myself and get ready to head out for the day!

Supa, Dazzle, Neon and I left the house to run to Walmart before lunch and swimming lessons.  We got almost all the way to Walmart when we realized that Neon forgot his swimming stuff.  We had to turn back around (no I didn't kill him but it was a close one) and go back to the house to get the bag of swimming stuff and then finally back to Walmart.  Supa needed a new mop and then we were on our way to Subway (finally)!

After lunch we went to swimming lessons. I thought that on the last lesson of the series we were supposed to sit poolside and see what the kids had learned.  Nope, they didn't invite us inside or anything.  They didn't update us or tell us how the kids were doing, nothing.  I was kind of pissed.  I was too tired to bitch at them so we just left and went about our business.  Hopefully we'll be going swimming soon so I can see how Neon is really doing.  YMCA, you earned yourself a C-.  They just weren't personable!  Yuck!

We ran to the nail place so that I could get my eyebrows waxed (fun, fun!) and my nails repainted.  I got mood changing polish that goes from red to maroon.  Pretty!!

LOVE IT!

When we got home, all four of us got our house chores done.  I helped the kids straighten their rooms and dust a few things.  Supa mopped all the floors and made the hardwoods shine all beautifully :)  Eventually, I did get to take a nap (for a whopping hour!  woo hoo!) and then it was time to get up and have some dinner.  I also had to get ready for our company to arrive!

Jade came over right after I finished getting ready.  We ran to the store for a fresh pack of playing cards I realized mine were really wore out! Right after we got back from the store, Super Bass and Patient Woman arrived.  We made our introductions, talked to the kids for a moment, pet the dogs and toured the house.  We decided to go straight outside and enjoy the beautiful weather.  Mother nature behaved and it didn't rain on us one bit.  We sat outside for hours, laughing, talking, playing cards and being silly.  We had a few adult drinks and that just amplified the good time we were already having. 

Supa hung out with us on and off.  He took turns going from the deck to the couch where he was happily playing X-Box.  We were trying to play spades and it's so hard to concentrate when everyone is talking (and I was getting pretty drunk).  Jade was my partner of course and I had to remind myself to not get pissed off at her slack card playing when I realized she also was pretty drunk.  LOL.  We kept forgetting who led and who dealt.  HAHA!  This is how Patient Woman got her bloggy name!   Every time I was confused I turned to Patient (sitting to my left) and she calmly and very patiently assured me of what the hell was going on.  This was at practically each turn!  She was so sweet and didn't slap me once!  (Trust, I'm not nice and if that were me, I would have gotten on my last fucking nerve!!!) 

Super, thank you for bringing Patient over!  She fits in with us perfectly!  I think she will be able to balance out my rude, obnoxious behavior rather nicely!  :)  We all know that I can get really crazy at times.  I already knew that you and I would get along and have a blast together.  Jade loved you guys too!!  Great company!

Thank you for coming over, Patient!!  We loved meeting you and we had so much fun!  I can't wait to get to know each other even more and spend lots more time having fun together!!

I may have watched a few minutes of TV after the girls left (not too late, around midnightish) but then I crashed.  I was wore out! 

I was sleeping THIS good!!  TIRED AS HELL!

Sunday morning, Supa got up early to go to work.  My dear friend, R.J.A.T.W came over to see us and spend the day with us.  Jade met us at the house and we were off on an adventure! 

I noticed an old abandoned building near our house a while ago and I have been wanting to go explore it ever since.  Jade and I walked to where the building was about a week ago and stood in the doorway together but we just couldn't go inside alone.  We needed to have backup and hopefully a male with a weapon.  This isn't just a little abandoned house.  It's huge.  I was thinking it might be an old slaughterhouse or some kind of meat packaging plant.  I decided to Google it and here is what I found:

NOTHING

Yep, I Googled to death and I found nothing about this building!  You could see that the building burned at some point but was still in decent condition.  Jade said she thought they made sausage there and that's why there were meat trays laying around everywhere.  I didn't really care what the building was used for....I knew what I wanted to use it for!  A WONDERFUL, SCARY AS HELL, ADVENTURE!  Time to explore!

So, (of course we left the kids at home) we walked to our destination for our daily exercise. Once we got there I realized I was armed with my cell phone, Swiss army knife and my camera.  Jade had her water bottle for protection and R.J.A.T.W had a big flashlight.  Wow, I hoped we didn't run across any rabid raccoons or sleeping homeless people because I doubted my little Swiss army knife would have done much damage.


This is the outside of the building.  I was already starting to get freaked out at this point. 



This was a preview to what was to come.  Actually, this is a little shed off to the left of the building that we decided to take a look into before we went to the main event.  I like how the door is ajar all creepy like. 



What a great graffiti drawing of Satan!  Just what I wanted to see right before our ghastly tour!  This is actually the back side of the building.



See on the far right hand side where it says "Carolina Cookers"? 



This was the first room on the left when we entered the building.  CREEPY! 
This looks like some shit out of a horror movie. 



Apparently the bathroom.  Yuck!  I love how the paper towel holder on the wall completely melted. 
It actually looks really cool!  ( I can't believe I was standing in here!!) 



This place had lots of rooms to explore!!



That doorway that you see at the end there is where we came in.  I was trying to imagine being in here at night.  AHHHHH!!!!!   LOL!! 

We decided that this room must have been someone's office..Hence the bashed up desk parts on the floor.



And when we walked around the corner...(This is the other side of the "office" I mentioned above)  INFORMATION!!



I guess Cookers packaged eggrolls....Wow, I wish I had a 15 lb. box of eggrolls!  YUM!



Uh oh!  Someone left the seat out of their car in the building!  Weird!!  R.J.A.T.W said, "Does anyone need a door?"

 So, we're walking through this huge building and everything is fine so far.  We get to this room (See the next picture below) and "I'm like what the fuck are we walking on?"  "What is that pile in the middle of the room??" 

That folks is millions and millions of packages of duck sauce!!!  We wondered if a homeless person was currently alive due to a huge pile of duck sauce!  LOL  Duck sauce is scary as shit when you're already scared!

It was in this room that I noticed a few mosquitoes on my bare shoulder (I was in my exercise clothes).  I shooed them away and didn't think anything else about it. 


The eyes over the doorway were killing me!!!!  This room is leading into the other side of the duck sauce room.  I was on my way into that doorway on the right to explore the opposite side of the duck sauce room where R.J.A.T.W said he saw a couch set up like it was someone's living room but I never made it through the doorway........

 Because after I took that last photo and started to take my next step, I felt something biting me all over my legs, arms, and shoulders.  I looked down at my legs (covered in spandex like exercise pants) and saw HUNDREDS (I'm not sure how many, I didn't stay to count) of hungry  mosquitoes!!!!  HOLY SHIT!! 

**Anyone that knows me understands why this was such a problem.  I am pretty much allergic (the best way I can describe it) to what I call "mosquito venom".  When I get bit, whatever body part it may be, swells up like a fat balloon and is very, very painful.  It usually results in days of misery and lots of Benadryl.  Not fun!   I usually spray myself down every day when I know I'm going to be outside but for some reason, I wasn't thinking about getting bitten.  I had on tons of sunscreen but no bug repellent.**

I jumped once to make sure I wasn't imagining things (I didn't have anyone to verify since Jade and R.J.A.T.W were in the last room still) and the fucking mosquitoes jumped off of me and then attacked again immediately!  They smelled fresh meat and they weren't about to be deterred. 

At that moment, I realized my health was in jeopardy and it was time to get the fuck out of Dodge!  I ran from the room yelling that we had to abandon ship (or building if you want to get technical) and that I was being eaten alive.  We all got out of there as fast as possible. 

Let me just say that I'm not really sure WHY I find places like that intriguing but I do.  I love, love, love, trespassing and exploring.  What a rush!  I had a great time scaring myself shitless and I'm glad I had two friends to share the experience with me!  I did leave with the feeling that I wasn't finished.  My journey left incomplete.  I spoke with Supa about my unfinished business and he said, "Have no fear, darling!  I wanted to go explore with you, too!  We will go and finish exploring those rooms together as soon as I get a minute off of work." 

We will also be loaded down with mosquito repellent!  Stupid little sucky fuckers!!

After walking back home, showering, counting my bites (I stopped after 20) and applying "Sting Ease" to each one (this is the only thing that works and prevents the swelling) it was time to go to the mall.  I needed new running shoes in the worst way. 

We had lunch together at the mall and then I found some shoes:

K, I know they look pretty but do they FEEL pretty when I'm running/walking.  I hope so.  They sure weren't cheap.

Monday, Jade and I raped the hell out of Goodwill.   I got two bags full of clothes for $25.  That included about 5 pairs of pants for myself, a pair of Dockers for Supa that he's wearing right this minute, a few shirts...and who knows what else was in there!  What a steal! 

Jade and I took Dazzle, Neon and Cat on a walk to the elementary school, middle school and back.  It wouldn't have been such a burden if it wouldn't have been so hot!!!  The sun was mega beaming and we were drenched with sweat when we finished. 

We got so hot that we had to pause at the elementary school to cool down for a minute:


This is the playground at the elementary school.  Looks like fun, huh?!

I was so tired from all the fun and adventures during the long weekend that after I took the kids to Pets Inc to play with the puppies and get Copper dog food, I laid on the couch and watched TV the rest of the day, thanking God for my 72 degree house!  :) 

That's all for now folks.  I started writing this early this morning and I'm just now finishing up at 5:09 PM!

Love the ever adventurous,

Apple

Happy Memorial Day Weekend!!

Hells yeah!  It's finally Friday and I've made it through another week!! 

Luckily for me, this is a 3 day weekend.  Memorial Day, I love you!!





Woot Woot!  Thank you, U.S.A!!



Unbelievably, I have little plans for this 3 day weekend.  Supa is off tomorrow and we have errands and things to do (I'm cutting the grass again, this time with new spark plugs and a new mower blade).  This will be Neon's last swimming lesson so we get to watch him from pool side seats.  :)  I'm pretty excited to see him show off his new fishy skills. 

Super Bass and her friend are scheduled to arrive around 7:30 that night.  I'm ready for some drinks and some fun!!  I feel really retarded for being THIS excited but that's OK!  I own my retardedness!!

Sunday and Monday I got nothin'!  (And I think I like that)  Sunday, I'm contemplating inviting R.J.A.T.W to come up and hang out with us for the day.  We'll see.  I know I have to go the mall (or elsewhere) and buy myself some new running shoes.  Mine are absolutely on their last legs.  I already asked Jade if she wanted to go to Goodwill with me on Monday and rape the hell out of them for pretty much free clothes.  They're having a big Memorial Day sale (that means half off of everything that's already dirt cheap) and that's my kind of event!  Anything else, I'm going to just wing. 



FUN, FUN, FUN!! Piles O' Fun!!

Winging almost an entire 3 day weekend, which is usually unheard of at my house, should result in super, extra shenanigans since we don't know how to behave when the structure is taken away so I should have something really good to report on Tuesday.

I had a really weird and disturbing dream the night before last and I want to lay it out here so that I don't dream it again.  In my dream I was holding an unlit Marlboro Light in my hand.  I was just standing there looking at it and thinking about how I should not smoke it.   Before I knew it, I was lighting the cigarette and smoking it.  The first drag tasted horrible and as I stood there smoking it, I was trying to justify to myself why I was doing it.  After I smoked the first one, I thought about how terrible it tasted, disgusting it smelled and how I never wanted to smoke another cigarette again.  Then, two seconds later, I smoked another one!  I said out loud to myself, "Well, that's it.  I'm already hooked again.  Time to go buy a whole pack."  Then I woke up, feeling like I needed to scream!

Maybe I dreamt that because tomorrow is the 90th day since we stopped smoking?  Maybe I dreamt that because I needed a reminder not to smoke.  I have no idea but I do know that I'm never smoking again no matter how it plagues me in my dreams and I found a perfect illustration to explain why:

I was just telling Lolly at lunch yesterday that I wished I could have a magic wand to wave over all the smokers in the world and cure them of this evil disease.  No smokers would mean a better, healthier planet to live on. 

I also came across a couple of funnies yesterday:

I could make a pretty lengthy list of people I would hit on my very first day as a bird.  LMAO!!

I could make a pretty lengthy list of people I would hit on my very first day as a bird.  LMAO!!



A few of these, I really, honestly, want to do!!  

Dazzle wants to become a veternarian when she grows up.  Since we only have fucking only??? two dogs and no other animals, she has decided she is on a mission to convince me we need more animals.  (WHAT?!  We have enough to take care of!!)  She started out asking for a turtle.  Well, when I researched pet turtles on the internet, I found this:

Did you know that the sale of turtles less than 4 inches has been banned in the United States since 1975? This is because turtles pose a high risk of spreading disease, especially to children. The ban by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has prevented an estimated 100,000 cases of salmonellosis annually in children. This ban prohibiting the sale of small turtles likely remains the most effective public health action to prevent turtle-associated salmonellosis.

Despite the health risk, turtles have become very popular pets in recent years. Their slow movements and tough colorful shells may make them seem like the perfect family pet. However, turtles carry potentially dangerous bacteria called Salmonella.

I quickly forwarded the entire article to Dazzle so that she could understand that in no way, shape or form was I harboring an animal that could possibly infect us all with Salmonella!  NO FUCKING WAY!  I told her if she ever even comes across a turtle she damn well better not touch it!!

Last night, Nearly Perfect came over to hang out with Supa, Lolly and I.  Having no knowledge of the turtle conversation between Dazzle and I, she promptly told us about how she saw a turtle outside of work the other day and not only touched it but also picked it up, moved it  AND named it. 

Please say hello to "Cecil". 



God, I hope Nearly washed her hands with bleach.  Cecil, you're kind of cute but you're also a dirty, disease carrying fuck.  Hello and goodbye!

Dazzle and I also talked about having hamsters, gerbils, fish, lizards and birds.  So far, I have not committed to any more animals and I don't think I will any time in the near future.  When Copper just got finished being sick with diarrhea, the last thing on my mind is to have another animal to nurse back to health, pay doctor bills for and clean up explosive turds.

Happy Memorial Day weekend to everyone!  Stay safe!!

Love,

Apple

Mugshots & Other Crazy Shit

One of my coworkers shared a joyful website with me that has some very interesting mugshots on it.  I couldn't help but share.  I guess today is going to be funnies day.


This one kind of scares the shit out of me.  Is it a woman or a man?  How about Cousin It?



This guy got arrested for drunk driving.  LOL, perfect shirt for the occasion you handsome fellow!



I love tattoos but sir, you're a dumb ass!  It's supposed to say "wrongfully convicted" but it looks like it says "wongfluffy convicted".  LOL, just sayin'.



Manville?  Where the fuck is that?!  Either way, I think I'll pass.



Another one that scared the shit out of me.  Is she screaming?  WTF?!  Someone please get this lady a comb!!



Again, I love me some damn Mohawks but this is taking it WAY to far!! 



This man got beat up for trying to mug a man that just so happened to be an MMA fighter.  
I bet he's really sorry he picked the wrong mo' fo'!  LOLOL!!! 



Another scary one.  Will someone please help him with his hair and his eye!!  What in the world?!

Well, that was fun as hell!  LOL!!!

Super Bass and her friend (such friend will stay unnamed until I find out what kind of personality she has) are coming over this weekend to play some cards with Jade and I.  We are pretty damn excited about it since that means we get to mingle with some new folks.  Out with the old don't forget trashy, bitchy, psycho and backstabbing and hopefully in with the new!  We've been trying to get together with Super since forever and I'm so glad we finally made plans!  Super and I work together (she's actually Lolly's boss now!) and we love to see each other when we can but that's not very often.  This morning I sent Super this:


I don't drink that much usually but it might be time to get a little drunk!  :) 

We plan on sitting outside (Mother Nature, your ass is grass if you make it rain on us!), playing spades, listening to amazing music, talking our asses off, getting to all know each other better and having some adult drinks.  WOOT!  My kind of Saturday night!  Unfortunately, Lolly will be out of town with Camo Man so she's going to have to sit this one out.  Poop!  I'm sure I'll be filling Lolly and everyone else in on our new friend shenanigans on Monday.

IS IT FUCKING SATURDAY YET, SUPER??!!  woooohoooooo!!!!

Jade and I have been walking/running every single day after dinner.  It's been mostly fun but very painful also.  She sent me this today and I totally agree:


CRY FAT CRY!  Get the fuck off of me, bastard!

So from now on, when we run up the hill from hell in the subdivision across the street from my house and I feel like I'm going to die or drown in my own sweat while vertical I will chant this in my head to keep moving.  Since I have been skinny and I have been fat, I now believe the other saying I have heard but was hesitant to believe:


True, true, true!! 

Here's to a fucking awesome Wednesday!

Apple Darling

Leftovers

Today's post is going to be all the leftover things I wanted to say yesterday but just ran out of time for:

Aunt Darling reminds me:

I'm always the crazy lady at work.  Most of these people are probably so scared to talk to me....LOL!  That's how I like it!

When Jade was over on Saturday night to watch The Vow, we decided we needed a few Skittles (but not too many).  I told her I wasn't bringing the entire bag to the couch because then we would mindlessly eat them all.  I took out 5 for myself, making sure to not get a purple one (because purple ones are gross).  I handed her the bag and told her to get some.  She looked at what she grabbed and said, "Can you please give me a green one?".  Of course I needed to know WHY she must have a green one because green is her favorite color, duh?!.  Jade's reply to me...."Because I need one of each color so that I can taste the rainbow." 

LOLOLOLOL, I was so impressed with Jade's unintentional funny that I had to tell the bloggy world.  Jade, you crack me up!  I love you and your unintended puns! 

It was also at that moment that Jade and I both learned something new about each other: 

Even though Jade's favorite color is green, her favorite Skittle is the yellow one.  Mine too!!!  We never knew that until Saturday night.  It's so funny how you are friends with someone for 15 or so years and you think you know everything about them.  LOL, almost but not quite.

I love it when it's the little things that bring us even closer together.

Dazzle and I cleaned out the freezer this past weekend.  She told me I needed to take pictures of all the items we pulled out of the thing.  (What I should have done was take a before and after pic but I didn't think of that until we had the freezer emptied!  What a photographic loser I am!!!)  Here is what I did capture:


The most important thing on the counter, the vodka!  :)



We had to start stacking on the other counter.....



Oh shit.  We had to start moving stuff to the floor.

I believe it was at this point that Dazzle said she felt like she was on an episode of Hoarders.  WTF?!?!?   I reminded her that all our food is good, in date and not rotten.  LOL.  She still looked mortified.

What can I say?  Neon LOVES waffles!  When they're free, I bring them home!

I enjoyed sharing the contents of my freezer with everyone.  What's in your freezer?

Love,

Apple