Stories I Would Like To Share And Other Fun Stuff

A couple of strange but very funny things have been happening to me lately and I thought I would share.  

Everyone please find a nice, soft spot on the carpet because story time is about to begin. 

4-Way Stop Flip Off:

Okay, so there is a 4-way stop near our house that is usually pretty busy.  Especially in the mornings with school and work traffic.  We have to pass through this 4-way stop in order to get to the schools that the kids go to.  That being said, I was minding my own business, taking Dazzle to school one day this past week when I was harassed at said 4-way stop. 

We sat there for a few minutes, waiting in line.  I'm one of those people that can not stand an injustice so I always pay close attention at 4-way stops so that I can make sure I don't go out of turn.  RIGHT?!  SO, we get up to the stop sign and it is clearly OUR turn to go.  (We're going straight mind you)  The lady across the street that is turning left in front of us obviously thinks that it's her turn and not mine so I wave my hand at her basically saying, "Excuse me you out of order cunt whore but it is MY turn".  I stomp on the gas because I'm GOING!  She waits until I get right beside her window and then she squishes her ugly face up (Oh, how I wish to God I had a camera at that exact second so I could have taken a picture of her bitch-ass face) and flips me off!  Right at the 4-way stop near the school!  So of course I stop right in the middle of the intersection, wave my arms at her and fucking lower myself to her standards act just like the idiot that she was!  I shouldn't have reacted to her and I was laughing my ass off at the same time I was waving my arms but damn lady.  GET A LIFE!!  It was MY turn at the fucking 4-way stop!!!  I hope I ruined her entire day.  Bitch.

I mean, if this was you lady, you could have warned me.  I didn't know you ran out of crazy pills.  Fuck!  (Props Uncle Darling for this awesome tag!)



You better be damn sho lucky that my Dazzle Darling was in the truck with me on this special occasion dog face lady because if I was by myself, you would have gotten THIS side of me.

(Uncle Darling, you know me all too well :)  Props for this pic too!)

The Subway Situation:

There is a Subway not too far from my job that I like to go to sometimes.  Eat fresh and all that bullshit, right.  Okay, so I get out of the truck, walk up to the door and just to the right of the door there are 3 middle aged (I'd say about 45ish) attractive, black men sitting on the bench with their sandwiches.  They had on work clothes and they were just minding their own business...That is until I walked up.  As I was opening the door,  I heard one say, "Hey, did you see that girl??".  One of the other ones said, "DAMNNNNNNNN" really loud and the 3rd one made some other comment I didn't quite hear. 

Now, usually, I don't react to this type of thing.  Sometimes I just ignore the person.  Sometimes I hold up my left hand ring finger (conveniently looking like I am flipping them off) and say, "Thanks but no thanks.  I'm happily married."  I guess sometimes I react more violently but let's just say it depends on what kind of mood I'm in. 

Now, don't get me wrong.  I don't mind being hollered at.  It's kind of flattering - sometimes.  But, I really don't need you to tell me that I'm hot.  I know that.  I know that I'm beautiful, my hair is sleek and soft looking, cut unlike most other women I know (I hate to look like everyone else!)  I don't have any skin issues, clear for the most part.  Thick in mostly all the right places.  I'm smart and funny.  OH HELL, let me get off my horse.  LOL  I'm just sayin'.  I know I'm fine.  Lately, I haven't been feeling so great about myself (as you can tell I usually do).  My confidence isn't gone, it's just been quieter here lately. 

SO, when those 3 attractive, hard working men shouted at me on that day that I wasn't feeling so hot,  I stopped in mid-stride, (half inside Subway, half outside the door still), turned back around, walked right up to the bench and said, "Hey, were you just talking about me?".  They all said, "Yeah!" and I said, "Well, I just wanted to let you know that I am happily married but I really appreciate it and I am very flattered!"  (All classy and shit ;)  Then I turned right around before they could talk anymore and walked on into Subway. 

Sometimes, I even amaze myself.  <Ahhhhhh!  SMDH>  Don't hate.  You know you wish you had my confidence. 

Supa, you a lucky mother fucker and you better damn well know it! 

NOW, for the other fun stuff I was talking about: (mostly submitted by Uncle Darling)

Uncle Darling has been loving Kermit the Frog for a long, long time and since this is his cousin, you know he sent me this.... 

If you have a husband and this is his idea of cleaning a toilet, you need some damn help.  GROSS!  LMAO!

I was thinking about what else I was going to get Jade for her birthday when I remembered this:



That's what she wants!!  RIBBONS!!  LOLOLOL!!



Well, Spiderman, I didn't know you were THAT excited to see me!  HAHA!



WOW, well, this is just about the funniest misuse of a kids TV show that I have seen in awhile.  Yes, even better than you, Spiderman. (see above)

It does really piss me off when you don't flush.  But I don't know if I would go as far as to cut your dick off!  Now,  it ESPECIALLY pisses me off when you piss on the floor.  So, in that case, I would definitely cut your scumbag dick off!  :O  

J. Strawberry found this little picture that I would like to call:

                                                         "REALITY is a bitch ain't it?"



You can suck that gut in but make sure there isn't a mirror behind you before you take the fucking picture, genius!  EWWWWWWWWW!!!!  PS, hot pink hooker bras are so OUT this season!

I also really enjoyed the fact that she shaved her eyebrows off completely just so she could take the time to draw them on by hand each morning.  Wonderful. 



Thank you Super Bass!  I love this one! 

The look on this cats face kills me every single time.  " I swear Mommy, I will never ever play on the ceiling fan again!! "

LOL, I hope he lands on the pillows and not against the wall. 

Wells, I hope everyone enjoyed this crazy post.  I sure enjoyed creating it.  Have a great weekend and until Monday,

Apple