I Love Being A Non Smoker

Well, Allen Carr was correct!  Quitting smoking can be easy and relatively painful.  I swear, I'm not all that pain stricken.  It's not at all as painful as the last 22 times I tried to quit.  In fact, it's kind of fun not smoking.  My body screams for nicotine every now and then (about once an hour) and I laugh at it.  Filthy disgusting drug addiction.  I'm done with you!  I'm going to starve you until you go away!  (I heard that takes about 3 weeks but who cares, since I stopped smoking, I might actually live past those 3 weeks.)  FUCK being addicted.  I don't need it!  I smell better, food tastes amazing and I can smell again!!  AND IT'S ONLY BEEN ONE DAMN DAY!!! (and a half)  Allen Carr, you flipped the light on for me and now I can see clearly.  I wish to God it hadn't taken so long to begin with.  

I swear to God, I owe this man my life!  Lung Cancer was right around the corner and I won't give up!  I'm so happy I could dance.  Thank you Allen Carr.  Your book changed my view point completely. 

I spoke in an earlier entry about Grama Darling passing away.  (Just typing that last sentence made me want to go drown myself in the toilet so I'll keep this brief in order to hang onto my sanity.)  Like I said, I have smoked for 15 years.  I might have thought about lung cancer twice in those 15 years.  I just didn't give a fuck, it won't happen to me, I'm young, blah, blah, blah with the excuses of why I didn't care and should keep right on smoking.  About 3 weeks ago, I woke up and all I could think in my head was "You and Supa have to stop smoking.  You WILL die of lung cancer at a young age and you will leave your children and family way too early.  This is not a joke, you will die.  You are killing yourself, LUNG CANCER, LUNG CANCER, LUNG CANCER, LUNG CANCER, DIE DIE DIE, LUNG CANCER, LUNG CANCER, LUNG CANCER, LUNG CANCER, DIE DIE DIE, LUNG CANCER, LUNG CANCER, LUNG CANCER."  I swear!  That is all I heard for like 3 weeks.  The voice was SCREAMING!  I even had dreams about quitting.  I think it was Grama Darling.  No, in fact, I BELIEVE it was Grama Darling.  I do believe that our loved ones that leave us and go to heaven look down on us and take care of us however they possibly can.  I know 100% that this was Grama Darling telling me that God was not playing around and he was about to open a can of whoop ass on us. 


God ain't playin'! Thank you Grama.  I know you are watching over me everyday and you will do anything to help me out because you know that life is crazy and full of challenges.  I need your help and I love you!!!  (Pause for tears, literally)  My Grama means more to me than anything.  Losing her was more painful than I ever could have imagined it to be. 

I'm really, really happy that we quit and the voice has completely stopped.  It is nice, quiet and peaceful in my brain once again.  I'm sure that if I falter, the voice will come back screaming really loudly.  Again, that is how I am totally convinced I will never smoke another tobacco product that contains nicotine ever again as long as I live.  (Supa too, don't forget him, he's such a good boy!!)

Very happily and sincerely yours,

Apple (non-smoker)   ;)