Longest Blog Post EVER

Well, oh well.  I'm not even sure where to start.  Jade, Lolly and I left really early Saturday morning and drove to a teeny, tiny, country town where I went to high school to go to a really awesome flea market.  Of course we talked, sang songs, chain smoked and laughed our asses off on the way down there (it took over an hour to get there).  We drove past the high school I went to I'm sure Jade was plenty bored with this since I've drug her out there before but Lolly hasn't seen it on our way to the flea market.  Then we decided that we were hungry and needed cash so we stopped at the grocery store that I used to work at which actually was my first job ever.  It used to be called Giant Food World (now known as "Piggly Wiggly") and I was an orange smock wearing 15 year old cashier.  Yep, that was my first gig when I was in high school.  Lame but everyone knew everyone and I had some good times there.  I also got paid $4.25 an hour so ya know...it wasn't paying any bills but when you're 15 what bills do you have?  LOL



Here is me, in GFW holding what I think is the biggest watermelon I've ever seen in person.  For only $4.99!  LOL

Everyone in the store was staring at us.  I'm sure it was a combination of "Those 3 chicks are HAWT!" and "They aren't from here so who the hell is that?".  We didn't give a damn.  We walked around looking for muffins GFW, your muffins looked gross , visited the ladies room and waited on Lolly while she selected a Lunchable for breakfast (ew).  I ended up buying a bag of chips I had no intentions of eating just so I could get my flea market cash and off we went. 

The flea market was pretty awesome.  We saw lots of puppies and I know I just got a puppy but it didn't stop me from asking people how much they wanted for their puppies.  I mean, they were cute as hell!  So of course, we took some pictures of other people's pups...


Weenie Dog puppy...look how big it is compared to the Diet Coke can!  SWEEEEET! 



Yep, a whole entire playpen full of puppies!  Nice pic Lolly!  It was way to hot for them to do anything but sleep.  I didn't blame them one bit.

Jade and I didn't eat breakfast since our muffin idea was a bust so I ended up eating a corn dog and she had a hot dog.  Fucking breakfast of champions I tell you!   Of course at some point we were going to have to use the bathroom and let me tell you, it wasn't pretty.  It was so insane looking that we had to take a picture. 


Yep, the actual bathroom with some strange lady's head in the way since she decided to stop peeing and stand up as soon as Lolly took the picture.  Poor lady.  I decided that this bathroom was going to be on my "Top 5 worst bathrooms in creation" list.  It was just a hair shy of an outhouse.  EWWWW!


During our trek across what felt like the fucking Sierra desert, I found a blanket rack for my living room and a lady selling brand new DVDS, still in the plastic, for $5.00.  We also saw what appeared to be quite a hoarder situation at several tables.  Some people even had cabinets with their own stuff in it that wasn't even for sale!


Yeah, this was just one small example....you wouldn't believe what the area next to this cabinet looked like. 

It was HOT as hell and I'm not playing.  It was cloudy (thank you, Jesus) and the sun wasn't pounding down on us at first but the humidity here is so high that we were soaking wet like we just stepped out of the shower after about 15 minutes of casual walking.  Jade has super thick hair and it was completely wet.  When we were done sweating our non existent balls off looking at all kinds of stuff we decided it was time to get into the truck to turn on the AC and dry off!!  

Fergie, your junk was sweating just like ours!!

So, with the AC pumping out on high, we drove on down the road a piece to look for an interesting place to stop and take some pictures.  I remembered there had been a little Mom and Pop grocery store nearby that opened in 1898 and it was open in 1991 when we moved here so we decided to check it out.  It sure wasn't open anymore but we took a picture in front of the building anyhow because it was neat. 


Yep, that's me and Lolly.  Jade took the picture for us.  I told you it was hot!  We sweat our damn faces off!

We also took a few pictures of Lolly on the railroad tracks with her borrowed cowboy boots on so she could show her "new man friend"  cause we're not sure what to call him yet what a real country girl looks like.  LOL, good times. 

We had some time to kill after picture taking and before lunch so we decided to stalk drive by my Mom's ex husbands house.  It was disgusting which was no surprise to me.  We even stopped and took pictures (yep, picture taking is fun for us!) which I will not post simply because I understand people value their privacy I don't really want to start shit and possibly get arrested for who knows what and I had no business taking pictures of his house which is why Lolly actually took the pics.  LMFAO!  Love you, Lolly!

Then we were trying to figure out where we wanted to eat lunch.  Originally we were supposed to eat at GFW because they not only have a grocery store but they also have a gas station, Laundromat, and restaurant all smashed together for your retail convenience.  WTF.  The restaurant is famous well, it isn't really famous but it fucking should be  for their country cooking and delicious Southern fried everything.  :)  Then we decided we should at least ride to Oburg to see if there was anything there that we wanted to eat there instead.  Of course there wasn't so we decided to go see the Rose Gardens.  It's really pretty and there are all kinds of boardwalk type trails to walk down and see different parts of the Edisto River.  Lolly wasn't satisfied with just driving through the damn thing.  Nope, she wanted to GET OUT OF THE CAR after the AC just fucking dried us off and walk around to (you guessed it) take more PICTURES.  Here is what we saw:


Now, Lolly took all of these pics so if anyone wants to know why we are looking at this tree right now and what is special about it...let me know.  I'll ask. 



Now, this one I understand.  Who doesn't love mossy trees?  Beautiful!



Jade said that she would put this in the truck for me if I wanted it which of course I did because that would look beautiful in my yard but I like Jade and I didn't want to see her get thrown into jail (on this particular day, check back with me on any other day and you might get a different answer) so we had to leave it there.  Boo!   



This is where we were walking along perfectly safe.....when we came upon......



THIS!  OH MY FUCKING GOD!  It was as big as my hand and it scared the ABSOLUTE SHIT out of me!!

 So at this point, I'm sweating because it's hot and that's no joke, and then my sweat started sweating because I was SCARED SHITLESS and thinking all about some movie called Arachnophobia!!  (PS, who in their right mind let me watch that damn movie anyway???)   Lolly and her fucking camera...(I'm kidding, what would I have to post today if it wasn't for Lolly, I just love giving her a HARD time...cause that's how she likes it.  LOLOLOL!) she had to take pictures of it and when she was done Jade thought it would be funny to throw a piece of bark into it's HUMAN SIZED web it was sitting on.  THANKS JADE!  She says, "I just wanted to see it move!" which thank god it didn't because if it even looked like it was gonna move, I was going to get arrested myself for killing Jade.  HOLY SHIT it was big and very hungry looking.  SO after everyone was done playing with Mr. "I'll eat your ass spider" I was like "Let's get the fuck up outta here!" and off we went.......IN THE WRONG DIRECTION!  Then we were promptly lost. 



Everywhere we turned looked exactly like this!  Oh fuck me! 

It took us awhile, all dripping wet with sweat, starving at this point, (because remember we are supposed to be LOOKING FOR SOMEWHERE TO EAT and that corn dog I had for breakfast  was LONG gone) and slightly irritated, to find our way back to the truck but we did!  FINALLY.  On the way back to the truck...we saw many, many more of the human eating spiders scattered here and there on webs.  That was a long fucking Lolly taking MORE pics along the way! I almost cut her I swear! terrifying walk and I'm so proud that we made it out alive.  Jade is super brave and she led the way almost the whole time.  Lolly kept her camera safe. 

We drove our starving and exhausted asses back to Giant Food World and waited about 30 minutes for this:



This picture does the food no justice...it was delicious!!  Don't forget the coleslaw that I had and the pitcher of tea that we washed it down with. 

 Folks, that pretty much concludes the trip.  We drove back to where we began and went to Walmart.  Because what mini road trip isn't complete without a Walmart excursion? 


If you haven't seen the Walmart documentary, do it.  It will creep you out!

When I got home, I was absolutely exhausted and really, really needed a cold shower to lower my body temperature from "hell and demon" level to "normal".  It was an awesome day with two of my very best friends and I'll never forget it.  We will return!  When it's somewhere below fucking burning on fire hot. 

PS....This post was entitled "Our Trip To The Country" until I finished it.  FML!!  If you loved it, wonderful!  If you hated it, I'm sorry!!  BUT you know I don't give a fuck.

Later!